5/17/25

13:16

Chris Brown feat wizkid- call me everyday 

On my couch 

Hey there! As usual, it’s been a while. I’ve decided to write a post because well it’s been forever. This will be a post of an update on my life. 

I’ve decided to leave my blog up because even if I don’t blog much anymore, the post I’ve written mean a lot to me. I’ve shared because I want to end the stigma. A lot of people in our lives suffer from some sort of mental illness. They may not be open about it but, I guarantee you know at least one person. For years I’ve struggled with my mental illness. For years I thought there was no way out. I never thought I would see the day where I’m a functioning person without daily depression or even bouts of mania. For a long time I felt like bipolar disorder ran my life. 

I’m finally stable and even if it took years to get to this point, I don’t regret anything. I coped the best way I knew how. I didn’t know any better and I’ve forgiven myself for the things I’ve done or decisions that I made when having a manic episode or a depressed one. I finally feel free! Bipolar disorder doesn’t define me. Today I can say that it’s just something I suffer from but it’s not who I am. I am not my illness. I am a regular human being. I have normal feelings like everyone else. Sure there are times that I feel things deeply but I’ve learned that it’s a part of who I am and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! 

Over the years, I have lost a lot of people. People who I thought were friends and even though it hurts, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s ok. People come into your life for a reason or a season. Not everyone is meant to continue this thing we call life with us and that’s totally fine. My circle is small and honestly, I love it like that. My friends are amazing and I’m truly blessed to have them in my life. Even if I’m not close to my extended family anymore, I love my immediate family so much. I appreciate them because for years I was so lost. Navigating a mental illness hasn’t been easy and it’s definitely been hard on my family as well. As long they’re good, I’ll be good too! 

I had a break up in 2023 and at times I felt like I’d never move forward with my life. But today I can say that I’m not as angry anymore and I’m definitely not sad about it anymore. We weren’t right for one another and he got married not too soon after our break up which says more about him than it does about me. Whatever works I guess? Some people come into our lives to serve as a lesson. My lesson was definitely don’t put up with unnecessary crap! Don’t take no shit because you’re the prize. Also, don’t fucking settle ever again cause look what it got you. Nothing to show for it. Just memories, what ifs and at times doubting my self worth as well. I didn’t love myself enough to realize that the relationship was toxic. He brought me out of my character and I hate that it happened. I won’t say I regret the relationship because how else was I going to learn to love myself more? I’m not at the point where I can wish him the best yet but hopefully he’s happy. The best thing I can do for myself is appreciate everything and live in the moment more. The peace that I have being alone is insane. It’s almost unbelievable and it took a long time to get here, but here we are, thriving. Honestly, happiness looks good on me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t live in the past anymore. Just learned from it. If you’re reading this (you know who you are) I want to say thank you. Without being with you I have found peace and if you would’ve never ended the relationship when you did, I would still be miserable with no direction. So thank you. I know one day a man will walk into my life and I’ll know why it didn’t work out with anyone else. But for now I’m just living and enjoying life. 

I’ll end this post with this: live your life. Do the things that scare you, sit with your feelings but don’t stay there too long. There are far too many things to accomplish and to do. Take it easy on yourself and celebrate the small wins. Never regret anything. But most of all, always, always, and I mean always choose yourself first. Love your life and those who are a part of it. Fuck Everything else. 

It’s been real and I’ll be back but for now, I’ll leave this post up and enjoy life. 

Peace out!