6/18/21
13:11
On the train
Songs Anuel AA- “Keii”
Kehlani- “Distraction”
Miley Cyrus feat Dua Lipa-“Prisoner”
Miguel- “where’s the fun in forever”
So I thought I should write about my experiences in Psych hospitals. I have been hospitalized a total of five times in the last 8 years. Only one of those was voluntary.
There may or may not be separate parts to this post because I want to explain it in detail.
Many people don’t know what really goes on in these places and the mistreatment that comes along with it. Not all hospitals mistreat you but most of the hospitals in the city are terrible. It’s the reason we never want to go back. It isn’t a little retreat or a vacation. You’re treated like crap. But if you’re lucky, you’ll have a nice and understanding therapist and/or psychiatrist and if you’re really lucky, you’ll meet other patients that are just like you that will be there for you and support you during your stay.
My first hospitalization was when I was diagnosed In April 2013. I wasn’t mistreated this time but I was completely new to this whole thing so it felt like mistreatment. I was taken to Montefiore in the Bronx before I was officially diagnosed at the following place, Four Winds hospital. It was such a scary experience. The holding area for psychiatric patients is tiny! There are about six tiny rooms with nothing inside but a bed. I was taken to the emergency room under the pretense that I would get something to help me sleep because I had been up for 48 hours straight, falling asleep for just a few minutes at a time. They keep all of your belongings. They give you scrubs or a gown and you don’t have access to your cell phone. I was petrified and angry at the same time. I was angry at my sister because I thought she left me there but I later found out that she had to. I couldn’t understand why I was being held against my will. I denied medication. I’m a pharmacy tech and I recognized the medication they were trying to give me. I also knew better than to take medication that wasn’t prescribed to me. So yeah, I denied the medication! I had only been taking an antidepressant at that time. What I didn’t get was why it wasn’t explained to me. That’s all I wanted- An explanation! To know why I was being held, why they weren’t giving me anything to sleep if that’s all that was wrong with me. When I denied medication they called security, held me down and gave me an injection of a concoction to basically sedate me. The next day I was transferred to Four winds.
Let me add that if you don’t have anyone on the outside like family or friends that can support you and bring you things like food, toiletries, clothing(nothing with strings in it) and things of that nature, you will have an even worse experience.
Four winds didn’t look and seem like a hospital so it wasn’t a bad experience.They took us outside, they had okay food, we had art and music therapy as well. They had a “gym” that had a treadmill and since I love running, it really helped me. At some point they even let me have a boom box to listen to the radio in my room. I was there for a week. But when I left, I was still experiencing a manic episode, which really sucked. The mania wasn’t as bad as when I was admitted but I still had racing thoughts and sped up speech. I also didn’t know I had bipolar disorder until I saw my discharge papers. Yeahhh no one told me. How insane is that?! I was hospitalized for a week and no one said a thing. I would’ve figured it out had I been in the right state of mind but you don’t really think anything’s wrong with you when you’re experiencing a manic episode. You’re so happy that you think your depression has suddenly disappeared. Besides not telling me my diagnosis, Four Winds Hospital was the best hospital I’ve ever been in. But because I was there against my will, I thought it was a crappy experience. In May of 2017, I voluntarily admitted myself to this hospital but, this time it was for severe depression.
Four winds isn’t very accessible. I had to take the Metro north for about 45 minutes to an hour. It felt like it took a lifetime to get there because I was so depressed and hadn’t been leaving my apartment.
That’s all for now everyone! Stay tuned for my next post where I will dive into the other hospitals and why you shouldn’t take your loved ones to any of them.
My heart breaks to read you had to go through that and how fucked up our system is. Mental health should be treated like physical health. You are so strong to share your experience with the world, not everyone can do that. I am so proud of you ❤️
Thank you so much Chamandeep💚💚💚
JK, you’re so brave and strong to share your story. Your hardships in the past are equipping you to be a voice and courage for others. ❤️
Thank you so much Ellie 💚💚💚
Sister, I am glad that you are courageously sharing your experience with the world. So many people can often deal alone in a struggle.
Most importantly I hope that this platform helps you heal and continue forward.
You are always in my heart, no matter the distance between us.
Glenda
Thank you so much Glenda. Love you 💚💚
Aww janky I’m so happy that your sharing this so many people are afraid or ashamed to share these things. But so many ppl need to see this esp the ones going through it ❤️
Thank you so much Eva💚💚💚
Sibling! Such a powerful & courageous piece to share with the world! Breaking the stigma of mental health especially in communities of color starts with people like you, I couldn’t be prouder 🥺❤️
It’s still hard for me to read because no one wants to imagine what their loved one is truly experiencing in a mental health hospital when we have such limited access to them & have to trust such a broken system. We will ALWAYS be there to support you.
Keep healing my dear sibling, keep sharing ❤️
Love you,
Evelyn
Thank you Evaloones💚💚💚 love you!!
This comment encompasses my exact thoughts. It was hard reading your story because we’re hoping for the best from a system that potentially does more harm than good. This goes all the way down to your rights as a patient basically being stripped from you, the “safety measures” that are dehumanizing and the lack of empathy and LOVE in during your time there. I hope you have since found a medical team that hears YOU! Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing your experiences. Sending you tons of love and healing!!
Thank you so much Milta!! 💚💚💚
Girl, I’m sorry .. i wish we were closer … To talk and just exist.. i mean, the door is open if you would like to. But I feel like lately you have been pushing for a change in many different issues that you have unfortunately experienced. Never stop speaking your truth and open our eyes to what is actually out there so we can be better as a society and help when we can. Much love cuz
I would love that 💚 I feel that although we aren’t close, it’s never too late. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post cuz. I appreciate it so much. 💚💚
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences and I’ve never seen or been to actual psych hospital. And I find it so sad that they didnt really give you a explanation why you were there and that you found.out on your discharge papers 😖. It also takes so much courage to write about and to actually voluntarily admit.yourself to a.hospital where you were at before where you feel comfortable. I had no idea this this was going on while I have known you and I’m happy that you feel comfortable writing about your experiences as.well. Many people dont have the courage to but it says alot about your character and growth! Love.that JK
Thank you Wilson! 💚💚💚
I’m so sorry that this disease has attack you. I say Attack because when it hits it take complete control. I know So much about this because I have Someone dear to me that has manic bipolar. I understand you especially when you said that when you in manic you don’t even know because you feel awesome. The mental hospital are horrible. Getting a doctor who really cares is horrible. The whole system is horrible. I’m glad you decided to share your story because it will definitely help you with all that your mind body and spirit goes through. God Bless.
Thank you so much. It’s so true the whole system is so messed up. Thank you for taking the time to read this💚💚
Incredible how strong you are and brave in sharing this. Just whoa. You are very special!.
Thank you Kit 💚💚
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